Submitted by Patrick (Some City, Some State) on 11.04.16
In my 30's, I had a surgery & was prescribed pain medication. To say that a side effect is constipation is like saying that a bag of RediMix concrete powder might harden if you add water. A week later, I was in bad shape. I was constantly ripping the most horrible farts, but no movement. The doctor's office suggested Dulcolax, so I bought a box and took 3 tablets, the maximum dose. It was like waiting around for a baby to be born & nothing was happening. Trips to the john were just the same old rank farts. I was getting worried that I might have to go to the ER with poop issues ... something that I wanted to avoid at all costs. I had been eating lots of watermelon, as that has a tendency to loosen things up for me. Still no action. My buddy suggested an "old time remedy" called castor oil. Apparently, his grandmother had given some to him years ago. He warned me that it was disgusting, but it worked for sure. So, I go back to the store & find a very plain looking bottle ... probably about 3-4 ounces. I call my buddy back & he tells me to down the whole bottle like a shot of whiskey. Damn. How I kept from puking, I have no idea. It took some serious beverage to get that taste out of my mouth. A couple of hours go by and I am starting to hear some rumbling from the stomach. That was a great sound, but a trip to the john only yielded the same rank gas ... lots of it. I went back into the den and kicked back in the recliner, contemplating the next option. My stomach was still rumbling pretty actively and creating gas. Honestly, being tired of going back and forth to the john to just fart, I tilted to the side in my recliner to release the latest round. What immediately followed, however, could best be described as a thick tomato soup. I shot up from the recliner. The bathroom wasn't far, but it might as well have been across town at this point. I'm clenching my butt cheeks together, going to the toilet, leaving a little liquid trail as I went. I stood in front of the john trying to regain control of the ship, but it was not meant to be. The castor oil, watermelon, and Dulcolax all wanted out. Now. Not sure what to do, I stepped into the shower with pants, socks, the whole 9 yards. I started peeling the clothes off under running water. Sigh. I lost a good pair of cargo pants, a pair of boxers, and a pair of socks that day. The clean up was gagging & I had to jet out of the shower for round #2. I was super conscious of not trusting a fart again for a long time. Bottom line: the old remedy works, but don't go too far from the john ... and by all means, don't try to fart.
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