Submitted by Fiddles (Some City, Some State) on 05.07.16
I was perfectly fine. No cramps, no feeling I had to go, nothing. I was wearing boxers and sweat pants and was just watching some TV.
Suddenly, an army of darkness appeared at the gates of Butt Basin.
It was like a giant plug had been removed from the darkest pits of evil, and the legions of death had poured out, bringing with them a literal tsunami of shit.
I tried to hold it back, and clenched like a vice, creating a massive barrier of flesh, but the stinky tsunami was just too strong.
By this time I had stood and had begun to waddle toward the bathroom, but deep down, I knew what was coming, and I gasped as the walls of my poor sphincter were breached.
The wave of putrid terror left me in a sudden rush, only 3 steps from where I lost my short, but intense battle.
I froze, like a deer in headlights, as my boxers were breached, and the sickly liquid began to ooze down my pant legs.
My shame kept me planted as it leaked past my knee, but I came to my senses and quickly dashed for the sanctuary of the bathroom, knowing I was far too late.
The path of my retreat was visible in the muddy prints I left behind with each step, and my nose was assailed by a scent as foul as an open grave.
I finally reached sanctuary, and dispersed the invaders, but I then faced the horrible task of cleaning the fields of battle.
I now sit on my throne of sorrow as I wait for their dark reinforcements, and I pray that this time, the gates will hold.
(In short. Unexpected food poisoning + double espresso = a very bad night. I'm only thankful I was in my home and not out as I had originally planned this evening)
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