Submitted by Pooptree (Catalina Island, CA) on 01.21.15
Ok, so I was 12 years old when my parents sent me to a bible boys camp for a week. Some kids though it would be funny if they formed big turds out of mud and put them in the camp toilets. While this had me roaring with laughter, the camp caretaker/head perv punished all of us by giving us (only) 2 sheets of toilet paper to wipe with. To make things worse, we had to go to his cabin to get the TP from him! Well, this dude really creeped me out, and I had no intention of becoming his "cabin boy". He then decided to have a "clothes optional" day, and when combined with having to go to his cabin to pickup the TP, I thought this was a bad idea, since he was nude as well. Given these circumstances, I decided to pinch off my urge to dump for 4 days straight. Combine this with dehydration and no bathroom doors, I had one hell of a backed-up colon. Not sure if I was poisoning myself by not shatting, but I came down with a fever, and had to spend the next 2 days in the camp hospital. Once the fever broke, I begged to be released, since I wanted to participate in a ceremony were you get a "rag". This is a coming of age thing, which requires the camp members to hike up a steep trail to the top of a hill, blindfolded, with your hands on the shoulders of the boy in front of you. You know, a trust your fellow man thing. Well, I made it to the top and was in line, waiting for my ceremonial "rag". This is when my 6 day late poop decided it wanted out.... Pronto! I pinched my anus so tight it was quivering, as I ran as fast as I could down the trail. I could not hold this thing back, as I was in labor, and my bunghole quickly released. Every step I took came with a shart, until I finally had to stop and Release the beast! It was the nastiest, smelliest, rankest brick of excrement one could ever imagine. It compacted itself in my pants into a brick, literally. I dropped my pants and picked it up out of my shorts, throwing it into the bushes. My socks were brown and juicy, pants, shirt, shoes all covered in the most vile smelling crap. At this point all I could do it take off my clothes and dispose of them. There happened to be a dead lemon tree next to the trail, which I kindly decorated with my poop- ridden clothes, like a fecal Christmas tree. I then ran buck naked down to the cold ocean water, to rid myself of the poop covering my entire body, since I felt like a chocolate covered elf! I never felt so clean and refreshed in my entire life. Although I would have liked to get my ceremonial "rag", I think the trade off was well worth it: Nothing like having to walk by a dead tree decorated with poopy clothes, just after receiving your important ceremonial rag. I would have loved to see the look on their faces. ;)
Vote:Yeah! You Shit the *Shit* out of yourself! 392 Not So Much 418
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