Submitted by Melanie (Some City, Some State) on 08.13.14
I'm only 25 but lately the urgency to go has exponentially increased.
I met my friend for coffee at 10 pm. Had like 20 oz of it. We were talking and all of the sudden I realized I had to go and had like three minutes before all hell broke loose. Not enough time to even run across the intersection to McDonalds, which at midnight probably would not have let me inside. I made some random excuse and ran to my car. I realized I had a trash bag and some receipts. In panic I grabbed the bag and used it in the back of the car. Some leaked onto the floor, thankfully onto papers. Which I also threw in the bag. Got paper cuts when wiping with receipts. When I got home I went to throw the bag away and it leaked on the carpet! The next morning I used the car washing station in the parking lot to clean the carpet. Then I had my car detailed!
The next time, a week later, I was not so lucky. (After this, I considered the above story lucky!!!!)
I overslept and was in a rush. Halfway to work (26 miles total) I realized I wasn't going to make it and was on a major highway. There was nothing I could do. I had low riding jeans and tried my best to hold myself up while driving the 13 miles back home but failed and it leaked all over the just detailed leather seats. Like a ton of leakage. How did I know? Because I was stupid enough to reach around to try to pull them up a little. It got all over my hand which I held out of the way for the rest of the drive. I arrived to my apartment to people painting a few feet away from my door. I ran inside when they all turned around, disgusting hand and all. By this point it had dried on my hand and I had to scrape it off with a sponge which I promptly threw away. I threw my pants away and showered, only to get out and realize I had to go again, violently! Another shower and some pepto later, I went downstairs which reeked so badly. I went outside to throw out the trash bag with the sponge and pants. When I got back the painters were asking me to move my car... I begged them to give me 10 minutes and thankfully they relented. The smell that left my car when I opened it was awful. It took 30 minutes to clean up and my neighbor walked his dog outside during it. I'm pretty sure the painters and the neighbor could tell what had happened. I finally cleaned it with baby wipes and thought it was okay. I put some paper towels between me and the seat and drove to work windows down all the way. Getting out the paper towels still smelled and the seat still smelled, I dread going back inside after work. When I got to my desk I passed my hand over my crotch to check if it still smelled and the hair down there still had the smell!!! I feel like I'll never escape it. And they're taking the hours I missed off my vacation time because I was too embarrassed to say anything other than that I overslept!
Vote:Yeah! You Shit the *Shit* out of yourself! 392 Not So Much 399
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